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Writing Waited For Me

Ode To Aging

Today I write. It was not always so. Perhaps I needed a few years of growing to get to the point of brain-to-pen (actually, pencil) thought transfer. What took me so long? I like to say it was a slow process of emotion-to-reality transformation. It sounds so cool.

In our teens we deal with the onslaught of emotions; teenage angst, hormones, fear, wonder, and questions. Except for having to attend school, most teenagers are free to spend time dealing with these emotions, because dealing with these emotions is a full-time job. It was our emotions that would drive us to go into the world, leaving a place of safety, where we could explore. We would seek new avenues of thought. We would test the waters. My emotions kept me busy. There was no time, in my life, for writing.

In our twenties, we are expected to leave the comfort of our nests. We are expected to work and to make our way. Many of us married during this decade. We were told it was the normal path to take. We were now expected to control the wild, expressive emotions of our youth. But, emotions were still there. Why do we tend to couple up during this time? Emotions! We marry for love (an emotion). We marry because of the fear of missing out, of being alone, or of disappointing those who expect normalcy from us (all emotions). During this decade we are busy setting up the rest of our perceived lives. I certainly found no time to write.

In our thirties and forties, we begin to realize that life and normalcy do not conform to exactly what we planned so carefully in our twenties. The confusing emotions that we feel can cause us to choose drastic lifestyle changes, believing we need to make a clean break and, often, to start over. Emotions rule once again as we choose a new sports car, a divorce, or perhaps, just an escape. It is important to understand that, whatever your decision, your emotions will stick with you. Unquenchable desires, loneliness, fear of missing out, and, an unknown future. Who wants to write about that? I didn’t.

In our fifties, hormones can still reign, much to our surprise, but by now they will have morphed into a more manageable compartment of our lives. We experience them but we are no longer fully controlled by them unless we choose to be. Instead, we have begun to replace wild, youthful emotions with new, lingering ones. The future, our health, our regrets, and aging are what we begin to focus on. It was during this time that I began to wish I was writing it all down. And yet, still, I was so busy asking questions of life and seeking answers, I did not write.

Now, in my late sixties, I have begun to write. I am calmer now, having found answers to most, but not all, of my questions. Writing has suddenly become easy. Perhaps it took this long for the real me to emerge from that sea of emotions that was my world.

I consider each decade to be its own lifetime. That means I am in my sixth lifetime. Am I sorry I did not write in my other lifetimes? No. Those lifetimes taught me lessons, gave me strength, and brought me to the point where I have found wonder and delight in being able to pen (pencil) my thoughts, feelings, and emotions.

To all of you who currently write in your early lifetimes, I applaud you. I admire you. Just keep writing. By the time you get to my current lifetime, you will be beyond amazing. I see it this way. I am just in my teenage lifetime of writing. It is kind of fun being young again.

Pencil ready & Paper, waiting to be written on


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